


Apologies

by Churbooseanon



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-26 23:49:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1707062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Churbooseanon/pseuds/Churbooseanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Epsilon goes too far when he yells everyone down, when even Caboose turns his back. So he asks for a favor that he knows is a step too far in hopes of righting one wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apologies

He knows something is wrong when Tucker walks out. Tucker isn’t the kind of guy to take his shouting seriously. To see him leave is when it hits him that he’s gone too far. But it’s only when Caboose goes that he realizes just how bad it was. Just how wrong Carolina is. He needs them. Desperately needs them. They were there since the beginning, they had helped put him through hell, but they’d gone through another two or three just to help him. It’s in Caboose, poor sweet Caboose, losing faith in him that he knows that he’s messed up.

“We don’t need them,” Carolina repeats, and Epsilon isn’t sure that it’s true. Or that he has much of a choice. This has to end, all of this, even if it means destroying everything he left behind to destroy the root of all of his problems. Taking on the Director is really his only option, and even now he won’t back down from that. But…

“I need a minute, Carolina,” he says, and doesn’t give her a moment to argue. They both know she needs him to do this. She’ll never be able to handle the speed enhancements without him, probably won’t be able to get in without him, and so she’ll wait as long as he needs, whether she likes it or not. So, before she can protest he disconnects himself from her AI port and goes in search of the one he needs to make it alright. Or, at least, fix the worst of it.

The only problem is that, for once, Caboose has turned his radio off. Tucker won’t help him no matter what, and the Reds never had any real patience for him. It left only one option, and it was the one that he hated to even suggest.

“Wash…” he calls over the radio, and gets the expected response.

“No. I won’t let you hurt them with your selfish revenge,” Wash snaps. It’s an anger that Epsilon isn’t used to from him, but he knows it comes from familiarity. It’s supposed to breed contempt, isn’t it? There are few who knew him as well as Wash did. Their brief partnership back during Freelancer had… left them both scarred in their own ways. But it also meant that Epsilon knew just what buttons to push.

“I need to apologize.”

“And I don’t care.”

“Not to you, idiot.” He regrets the words as soon as he says them, but he pushes on anyway. “I… Didn’t mean to… Caboose…”

“Would do a lot better in life if he didn’t hold you up as some kind of friend. Because from what I just saw, you don’t share the sentiment. He, they are all just tools to you and Carolina. I won’t let…”

“Dammit, Washington, if you had a chance to make it up to York and North for not making it there to save them, would you take it? If you could, with just a few words, fix the wrongs, would you take it? Please, that is what I want to do. Tucker, the Reds, they know what kind of an ass I am. They may hate me for now but… Caboose…”

“Stop. Seeing you fall over yourself to explain is just frustrating. Hurry up and get in here.”

That’s all it takes and soon Epsilon finds himself back in the familiar limits of Wash’s AI port, not to mention his mind. He likes it better than Carolina’s. It’s almost like… coming home in a weird way. Though to a home that you kind of trashed on your way out just because you could. Some day he was going to have to find a way to apologize for that too, to make it up to Wash, but that wasn’t the pressing matter right now.

“So how are you planning on doing this?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure that if I go up to Caboose on my own he’s going to walk away. I need you to find me the opening. I… I’m sorry Wash but I think I need more control than a holoprojection is going to grant me.”

“You can’t be serious,” Wash groaned, bringing a hand up as if to massage his temples. “You’re talking about ‘possessing’ me like you used to the others.”

“Yeah, of course I am. How else am I supposed to…”

“Whatever. Just make it quick, okay? I don’t think Carolina’s going to appreciate me stealing you.”

“Carolina doesn’t know where I am,” Epsilon assured him, hoping it was true. She was sharp, she could probably figure it out given the time. “Please, Wash, this is something I need to do. Just in case… In case…”

In case they didn’t make it back. There was always that chance, especially if there wasn’t going to be anyone else to back him and Carolina up. That more than anything was what was forcing him to do this. If it all ended the wrong way, well, he wanted Caboose not to hate him.

They have to go all the way back to Blue Base before they find Caboose. He’s high up, sitting on the edge of the base, looking out over the area. The way his shoulders are shaking tells Epsilon all he needs to know.

Just… let me do the talking? Epsilon asks, and Wash gives a brief nod as Epsilon guides his body towards the edge to sit by Caboose.

“Hey.”

“Hello Agent Washington. I’m sorry Church got all mad at you. He does that sometimes. Mean words come out of him and he makes you feel all hurty inside and… And…”

“I’m sorry.”

Caboose freezes in a very unCabooselike way. Normally he’s a ball of energy, bouncing around even when he’s still. Now, though, he’s rigid as if he’s scared, which sort of makes sense. After all, it wasn’t hard to tell the voice coming from Wash’s speakers—originally Epsilon’s speakers really—was his. They don’t sound much alike, him and Wash, and Caboose was always the kind to pick up on those small details, even when the larger ones escaped him.

“I’m not talking to you mister mean Epsilon. You shouldn’t have gotten all big and yelly and…”

“It’s hard, you know? I have this thing I have to do, and if I don’t do it then everything I am is kind of like a lie. There’s this big bad thing out there and if I don’t stop it no one will. Maybe I’ve been blinded by that, maybe it’s leading me away from what I should be doing, but I have to do it Caboose. It… scares me. There’s someone out there who is me, kind of, and he terrifies me. All these memories are telling me the terrible things he’s done and that he has to pay for them. I just thought… I don’t know what I thought. Being scared makes us act weird sometimes.”

Caboose was still sitting without moving, but at least he wasn’t running away. Epsilon had to take that as a good sign.

“So I have to go. Maybe forever. But Caboose, I want to apologize. And say thank you.”

“Thank you?”

“You’ve always believed in me. When I was Church, when I was Alpha, when I was just a memory, you believed in me. Having someone believe in you, it isn’t easy. It’s a burden that I don’t know how to handle. But I think it makes me stronger. So please, just believe in me for a bit longer. Believe I didn’t mean to hurt you, believe I’ll come back, and believe I’m not a bad person. Can you do that for me?”

At last Caboose moves, and it’s to put his hand on Wash’s. No, for this moment it’s not Wash’s hand, it’s his. It’s Epsilon’s. It’s Church’s. Then he’s leaning in, resting his helmeted head on Church’s shoulder.

“Of course I’ll believe in you. I always do. Because we’re best friends.”

If he had a heart, it wouldn’t have jumped at the statement. As it was Epsilon disentangled himself from Wash’s motor functions and beamed himself out as a holoprojection. Caboose jumped at the sight of him hovering there, faintly translucent, and shaking his head.

“I’ve got to go now. Listen to Wash, okay? He’ll keep you safe.”

Even though neither of them would feel it, he reached out a holo-hand and used it to stroke the side of Caboose’s visor. Then, before either Caboose or Wash could say anything, he threw himself back out over the radio waves, seeking the now familiar place in Carolina’s helmet. Her grumbling was better than staying behind and realizing that as much as he desperately wanted to, he couldn’t even ruffle Caboose’s hair. He was just an AI, a string of programming that thought on its own. An echo of a man who he was going to destroy. An echo of a man who was never worthy of Caboose’s devotion in the first place.


End file.
